Juggling the D Word, Yeah, Deployment

It has been said that as Americans, as a country, when we get secure, confident, and cocky – that is when the enemy strikes successfully.  Sadly, it is true.  I am not at all trying to say military life is the equivalent of a terrorist attack, but in a way, when you get the news, when the D word is spoken, you feel that hit.

Recently, our family has had blessings rained upon it.  My amazing husband was selected for a promotion in rank.  We knew that with advancement came restructuring.  He would be reassigned new orders elsewhere.  I said over and over this could mean deployment, but that’s okay, we would manage like we always do.  For weeks I felt confident that A) we wouldn’t get those orders and B) that if we did, we would be fine.  Then the ball dropped.  I found out that I was pregnant with my fourth child, a surprise blessing!  Again, I confidently said, we can do this, we always make it work.I got confident.  I should have known better…Within days my husband came home with the, “find out what you can about ‘USS LEAVES SOON,’ it’s very likely I’m headed there.”  I knew before the statement left his lips, insider knowledge and connections helped me know that if this was it, I needed to prepare myself.  The D word was coming, and it did.  When I heard the word my heart skipped.  As I calculated out duration in that millisecond how long he maybe gone, what he’d miss, it was like a bat driven into my face.  In 13 years of Navy life he had never missed a birth, this time, I was going it alone.  I knew how to deal with Deployment for kids, I had the resources stacked on my desk.  I have books, movies, and daddy dolls, but nothing that holds my hand as I start this new chapter as a mommy again.  Whoa!

It was in those moments, that seemed to move slowly that I took a breath and had to give myself the pep talk I had given to spouses a million times before.  ”Now is the time to reach out o that community you’ve built.”  I’ve often prophesied (that’s what my husband calls it) the need to develop and find strength in your military spouse community, and I finally needed to really let them be there for me.  Sure, with everything you will have to weed out the real and the fake support, but it’s usually in these situations that we learn to juggle those people ever so carefully so that should they be there, and I mean really be there, that you have an open enough heart to say yes I need you.

Military life is the hardest when we go it alone.  I can tell you, for weeks I bore the weight of my bad news, that darn D word, and my good news not sure I could say it.  Saying something gives it life, it gains power.  I did not want to give this deployment any power over me, especially the power to take away my joys.  With the upheaval in our government, looming shutdowns, and funding issues due to sequestration I fear that deployment will be extended.  I cannot dwell on that, much like I tell my children, we will count everyday that passes as a win, we can’t try to figure out the end when we aren’t sure.

With whatever the future holds, one thing has been changed within me, I will be the person I encourage others to be.  I will learn to rely on the family that the Navy has given me and let them know they can count on me.  I will one day take real juggling lessons, I’ve been so good at it in my mind that I feel I’d be a pro.  I won’t be afraid to get soft and will remember that I am stronger than I know.A military spouse is much like a tea bag, you never know how strong they are until you put them in hot water!Fair winds and following seas!

Trevsnavywife